Breathe

I will fucking kill him...{The Chosen's robe shimmies around her trembling knees, betraying that beneath the chin-high, shoulders square, brave front, the female is fucking terrified. What a sight we must have made, pitching up at the door of  Rehv's big Victorian rambler of a mansion unannounced, dripping wet, half naked, spattered with the blood of our enemy, Tory moaning in my arms, caught in the throes of another gripping contraction...coming hard and fast, the birth surely imminent. Yeah, when it comes to fear, the petite blonde Chosen's got absolutely fucking nothing on me. Dread vising a stranglehold around my heart...growling.. that fucking Son Of A Bitch Havers...held up in the OR my ass!!...gloved hand fisted in frustration, the cell phone splintering into plastic shards as another pleading groan filters through the door to the fancy-ass bedchamber where Tory labors...alone...I will not leave her alone...steeling myself to open the door, ushering the Chosen into the room, trailing flowery scents in her wake, I close the distance to Tory in long strides, wild-eyed, so vulnerable, afraid, dwarfed by the huge, ornately carved bed, planting my ass on the edge of the mattress, clasping your delicate hand in my callused palm, the despair in my eyes at odds with the reassurance in my tone} Tory...this is Maia...{indictating the female with a jerk my jaw, willing her with my eyes to approach} Maia is a Chosen, trained in the arts of midwifery, she's going to get us through this thing... {omitting the part about when we do get through this, I'll be ripping out Havers' throat with my teeth}... you'll be okay Tory... we can do this, true
*God...where the hell are you? You dont get into this room right now...Ahhh FUCK!!! Pain replacing my breath with a screaming moan, body seized tight in agony, no breaks to even curse, agony taking my words and bowing me double...I cant do this...I cant do...thoughts ripped from my head as the spasm grips me, slamming a contraction into the tension of my breathless form...gasping...finally...a break...fuck...slumping back, the seconds relief concentrating my mind on the opening of the door...growling low, lips pulled off razor fangs as the female scent floods the room and the tear-blurred outline of a blonde...Chosen? fills my vision...I hear you through a fog as pain pounds into me, your palm in the cold sweat-slick grip of mine, crunching bone as I squeeze...God, what took you so long? Head shaking, falling to rest on your shoulder, white-knuckling your hand as the screams are nothing but a gasp..relief...shit..breathe...* Nallum...I cant...why arent you a seahorse? *the words moaned as the Chosen...Maia...makes her training worthwhile, her voice soft as she smiles a reassurance in the face of my agony, the truck plowing into my abdomen seizing all conscious thought, too much pain to even cry...cant breathe...*<<I think someone is ready to greet this world...you need to help them, Tohrture, they cant do this without their mahmen...>>*whimpering, my longing to see my young turning to fear that they wont survive, to keep them in the safety of my body...but nature has other plans, the next contraction forcing my muscles to bear down, to finally scream on a breath that catches, giving over to the excruciating, exciting urges that will bring our young*
{Fuck! Gritting my teeth into the bone-crushing vice-grip of your white-knuckled hand, swallowing back a hiss, the agonising snap of metacarpal bones is welcome..damn, give me something to kill, something to fix, anything but this crippling impotence, powerless to ease you, your suffering firing up every bonded male instinct in my body to a screaming roar. Eyes darting from your tortured expression to the Chosen, the folds of her white robe bunched about her knees, a blonde curl escaping the perfectly groomed chignon as she works, her words encouraging, surprisingly self-assured...for a Chosen...when to push.. when to breathe, offering a calm confidence, cutting through the riot of chaotic emotions that surges on every increasingly intense contraction, the female's clear grey eyes lifting to meet each of our faces in turn as the latest surge subsides, a smile playing on her mouth <<Verily, Mistress...Sire...the head of the first young is crowning...the birth is fast-approaching...just one or two more...>> her words cut off by Tory's scream as another contraction grips her...and a third bone in my hand snaps in sympathy....fuck!!...} Almost there Tory...you can do this nalla...
*Almost there? Almost there? I barely have one out...I have to do this again...Fuck...the next contraction barrels into me, rushing me with a seizing tackle and forcing my mind to co-ordinate with my body and just push...all I can do...helpless to stop the primal urges that have brought so many lives into this world...and taken many more....spearing my lip in the points of my fangs, every muscle wound up and bearing down, an instinct far beyond any other, eclipsing fear and sentient action to run excruciating spasms through my body in back to back contractions...please...fuck..please...no more...torture me, beat me, anything but this indescribable, uncontrollable force of nature that tears me apart on each tensing push...with the next howled breath, the pressure is gone on a rush...my body collapsed, hand flexing around yours in an exhausted squeeze, reassuring my soul that I'm alive, that you're still with me, the Chosen murmuring incoherently as I wait, brain a buzz with vicious emotion, trembling crazy shivers, my efforts to decipher her delicate mumblings a fail...white noise bathing me in the respite from my body's previously unrelenting agony...fuck...a shock of relief on my lips*
{Meeting your glazed eyes...I am awash with pride and profound relief, voice cracking} You are incredible, shellan mine...I...{my words are broken off as the Chosen extends the swaddled young toward me...my arms outstretched to accept young, the female's face is flushed, eyes downcast, head bowed, her tone distressed as she hands over the tiny bundle of life into my protection <<A female, Sire... forgive me, but I fear the second birth approaches fast.. I must attend your shellan>> she turns back to Tory, I acknowledge her with an absent nod, my focus trained on the deceptively insignificant weight in my arms, a shock of jet black hair and pink skin...and fuck..but I am blindsided by the sudden rush of emotion, vision swimming...is it possible to bond with your young as you do your mate?.. choking back crystal tears, this tiny, helpless bundle...my...daughter, Xsykhe, dwarfed in the arms of a warrior father...so caught up in the moment I fail to register the fact that she hasn't drawn a breath since I took her, that flushed pink skin begins to take on a bluish tinge...hertiny heart faltering with every beat...so still...so very fucking still...Oh...God... breathe baby...breathe...I beg you...<<breathe>> I am aware of the Chosen voicing my plea, but it is directed at Tory, my heart stalls and the world stops turning on its axis, cold panic freezing me to the spot...Tory's cries and the Chosen's instructions fading out to a muffled, underwater drone...a wash of tenderness and grief flooding though me...this is the daughter Tory has dreamed of holding for so very long...the young we fought so hard to protect...fate could not be this damn cruel...my head a leaden weight, lifting grief-stricken eyes to you, heart fracturing in my chest ........}
*hours...God...each contraction seems to last a lifetime, steamrolling over me, taking charge of my body and pushing it to its limits...but you have our young...a...daughter...if I heard the Chosen correctly over my screams...she's safe with you and my concentration can narrow back down to bearing our second born with the promise of two young...my strength waning, exhaustion heavy weighing on my shoulders and gripping me in the next seemingly eternal round of agony...my eyes flash to your face, to the Chosen, to our daughter, the ceiling...taking the energy from you to get me through every seize and release...every push...*<<breathe>>*I gasp on my tears, obeying her commands, the excitement and fear a war raging over me, a chaotic tumble of emotions that fight to claim my attention, but as my eyes catch on your expression in a brief rest...dread takes precedence...it swirls in the acrid scent of grief and emerald eyes glisten a question that I cannot voice...I will not voice...I need my breath, I need my strength...she is fine...she is well...fuck she has to be well or my world will fall apart and I wont have the will to labor through the contractions and help her twin greet the world. Eyes locked to yours, ice replaces my blood, rushing from my face, a cold sweat saturating my every inch as my prayers raise silently to the ceiling...*<<One more...just one more...>>*her words terse, my body obeys as my mind battens down all emotion, primitive urges reigning in my surrender...just one more...sounding a wild scream of maternal distress, I push*
{Our eyes lock, you know my fear, my mouth opens but no words will form...this cannot be...this will not be...she is not lost to us...I would feel it, wouldn't I? In that bonded place inside of me...I would know if the Fade was upon her...fate can go fuck itself, true...the paramedic field training finally kicks in...ABC...airway, breathing, circulation...gloved fingers trembling as I tilt back her head...God so fragile, so very breakable...my lips form the gentlest airtight seal on that tiny, perfectly formed mouth and nose...breathe...the kiss of life...my lips tremble the most heartsick, despairing kiss imaginable...little lungs inflating... again...breathe...please breathe...please for me...breathe for Tory...stay with us...}
*my eyes close...she's gone isnt she? I cant watch you try...cant look...I failed...again...fate denies me my daughters once again, tears my soul into splinters...crystal...shattering into shards of blinding grief...my body roaring a straining despair as Maia coos and our second young is delivered into a room of silent tears, innocent of its sisters war with life and hollering its tiny heart out...maybe it does know then...and it fights against fate as its parents do...with my breath coming back in shudders and shock wrapping me in tremors, my eyes can barely stay open, exhaustion final and definite...no more...I can do no more...cracked, broken, my voice is nothing but a whisper* I want to see them...*a whisper, but the demand is not to be denied. I will see our daughter, I will see...*<<a male, Mistress...Sire...>>*our son...leaden arms outstretched, reaching to you, to Maia...tears coursing, freed by the agony of labor and desperate* Now...
{The cry of a young registers, but it is not her. Her skin is pinker...true? Or am I deluding myself? Is it just the effects of my breath in her lungs? My breath is not enough. Her chest not moving of its own accord...panic flooding me...she's dying...here in my arms, the young I have only just held is leaving us, emotion a tangled knot constricting my throat, meeting your expectant gaze...but still no words will come...choked on grief as I pass her still form into the crook of your arm, the Chosen tucking our son into the other, pink, wriggling and bawling, the contrast is agonizing, the heel of my hand grinding hard circles over my sternum, the pain so bad I wonder how I am still standing.......}
*any composure I have left crumples as our young fit, so tiny, against my body, cradling them with the gentlest of hugs wishing to hold them tight...as though I could literally hold them to this earth with the sheer force of my love. My cheek rests, a feather light touch, on top of her tiny head as Khaos squirms his hands free from his swaddling, curling a miniature fist against my chest, warm on my skin as both young shake with the wracking sobs showering my sorrow. I cant even comprehend...one...so full of life, wriggling his way out of his bundle and flailing tiny arms to my skin, to his sister's skin...and her...Xsykhe...so still, so...quiet...and...My lids flare wide at the sunlight winding tendrils under her skin...a spiderweb glow emanating from Khaos' perfect, little hand and spanning her body in the ethereal embrace that pumps her faltering heart into a hummingbird beat, fills her lungs with her first breath and sounds out a young's first cry...Oh...God...Khaos' bawling whimpers down to a snuffling shuffle in my arms, a sleepy blink, all contentment now that his sister hollers her breaths and my tears rain delicate kisses over their living, breathing faces...yes...Fuck...thank you...thankyouthankyouthankyou...emeralds lifting glistening happiness to meet your diamond gaze* Vishous...she's...
Alive...{I don't know what it is I am witnessing...a miracle?...some kind of magic? a curse from the Scribe Virgin, or even a gift? I don't care. All that matters is that I am here, beholding the only three things in this existence that matter a goddamn...the ones I can't live without...and that cry and your tears of happiness are the sweetest things I have ever seen or heard...swiping at stubbled cheeks, my hands come away wet with tears} Fuck...I'm leaking Tory...{cracking a teary smile...fuck I am bowled over by the torrential swell of love, brought to my knees by the enormity of the responsibility, bonding scent saturating the room as I move to sit at the edge of the bed, hands tentatively reaching out to touch them, our young...our son, Khaos, our daughter, Xsykhe...finally here...tears flowing freely, a hysterical laugh escaping as I capture your lips in a bruising, desperate kiss...and in this moment I am completely and utterly undone} I love you Tory...
*The Chosen Maia bowing out and the other Chosen peering through the crack in the door, only registers as you shift to my side, my lips parting a teary smile beneath the happiness crushing your mouth to mine, our young nestled in the closeness of our bodies, protected, so damn secure with you surrounding us* I love you, Vishous...*it would be a dream if only my body didnt ache so...perfect, heaven...our family complete, our young healthy, finally, my head tucked into the curve of your shoulder as we stare through crystal tears at the beauty of our young, my eyes closing over a fresh attack of tears, overwhelmed, my soul refracting the light of our joy into rainbow delight...the DM door closed on a tired smile*