*The seemingly eternal ebb and flow of life passes in a wash of darkness and the sluggish beat of my heart, everything moving in a hazy slo-mo play, the sunset an invisible hand trying to wake my exhausted body up, sunrise a punch that knocks my lights out and bids me dream of what I had....what I lost...what was taken from me...fuck...I wish sleep didn’t come so easily, sucking me into the warped Disney movie of perfection that was my life. Fighting without having to run, living with my soul, loving, fuck..laughing...smiling, those things people take for granted...I had had to relearn all that...but now it only exists in my subconscious, the memories my life, powering every beat of my six chambered heart and keeping my mind online...but not for long...my sanity is unhinged, a beast howling, tormented, wrenching my insides to a knot of nausea and cranking up the pain that inhabits my body like razor clawed demons to maximum. The Scribe Virgin only knows what my young feels...God I hope it is spared the agony that leaves me in a perpetual state of silent screams, ravaged skin shifting with my pained movements to reveal the ivory of bone….and I know it’s nearly the end…Meggy has started hand delivering meals...food and more civilians...forcing the sustenance on me, but I cannot...however much my body strains against the chains to attack, my soul has an indestructible hold on my hunger, mental sheathes blunting the tips of my fangs and muzzling me...there is...one other thing...that leaves me in awe and coaxes my survival instinct back out into the open when it lies down and tries to hide...movement...like the snapping of the elastic in your panties...so small...nothing but a flutter inside but growing stronger with every sunset, the comforting kick of life that spurs my soul onwards and makes my sorrow paramount...my hands shouldn’t be easing these kicks, his lips should be...my voice shouldn’t be the only one it hears, fuck...the Omega's voice shouldn’t be the one it hears...I won’t get any of that, no kisses on the rounded swell of our young, no hands but my own to soothe it...diamond trails of living sorrow, visceral grief, marking wet tracks through the blood and grime that colours my face in despair...Oh God..I miss you...so fucking much...my breath is forced through resisting lungs as sobs take me in violent spasms of anguish, spine curved protectively over our young as I let my mind drift into his embrace, the press of his lips*
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Alive and Kicking
*The seemingly eternal ebb and flow of life passes in a wash of darkness and the sluggish beat of my heart, everything moving in a hazy slo-mo play, the sunset an invisible hand trying to wake my exhausted body up, sunrise a punch that knocks my lights out and bids me dream of what I had....what I lost...what was taken from me...fuck...I wish sleep didn’t come so easily, sucking me into the warped Disney movie of perfection that was my life. Fighting without having to run, living with my soul, loving, fuck..laughing...smiling, those things people take for granted...I had had to relearn all that...but now it only exists in my subconscious, the memories my life, powering every beat of my six chambered heart and keeping my mind online...but not for long...my sanity is unhinged, a beast howling, tormented, wrenching my insides to a knot of nausea and cranking up the pain that inhabits my body like razor clawed demons to maximum. The Scribe Virgin only knows what my young feels...God I hope it is spared the agony that leaves me in a perpetual state of silent screams, ravaged skin shifting with my pained movements to reveal the ivory of bone….and I know it’s nearly the end…Meggy has started hand delivering meals...food and more civilians...forcing the sustenance on me, but I cannot...however much my body strains against the chains to attack, my soul has an indestructible hold on my hunger, mental sheathes blunting the tips of my fangs and muzzling me...there is...one other thing...that leaves me in awe and coaxes my survival instinct back out into the open when it lies down and tries to hide...movement...like the snapping of the elastic in your panties...so small...nothing but a flutter inside but growing stronger with every sunset, the comforting kick of life that spurs my soul onwards and makes my sorrow paramount...my hands shouldn’t be easing these kicks, his lips should be...my voice shouldn’t be the only one it hears, fuck...the Omega's voice shouldn’t be the one it hears...I won’t get any of that, no kisses on the rounded swell of our young, no hands but my own to soothe it...diamond trails of living sorrow, visceral grief, marking wet tracks through the blood and grime that colours my face in despair...Oh God..I miss you...so fucking much...my breath is forced through resisting lungs as sobs take me in violent spasms of anguish, spine curved protectively over our young as I let my mind drift into his embrace, the press of his lips*
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